Transformation: From Sunwalker-A Journal

October, 2018

I’m trying to think as I’m going through my separation, moving out and away from my hopes and dreams.
I am trying to get to a place where I can re-collect the fragments of my identity, and move forward in wholeness, while my heart, soul, and mind all want different things.
“My mind hates my body,
my body hates my soul.
I close my eyes and fight
inside my own black hole.”
-Black Flag-The Bars
Someone, a preacher or a hype man, probably both, once said, “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.”
She can’t even tolerate me now, so I have to recreate a smaller version of the world we shared, one with my kids, my self, and my faith as the center.
In my life I’ve been celebrated through other people’s prisms and color spectrums that blurred the image. I’ve been tolerated, hated, ignored, and disdained through the same fragmented perception.
This is the human condition.
Mine is focused on transformation.
Sometimes the fire of life burns bright and hot,
sometimes it hides itself behind the other elements.
These are the seasons of man, which he endures,
in order to be.

2 thoughts on “Transformation: From Sunwalker-A Journal

Add yours

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s a very unique experience hearing about this kind of subject from a man’s point of view. I’ve learned not to think too much or too far into the future. Tomorrow is not promised…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, it is not. We only have today, and this moment in the day.
      I try to remind myself not to wish time away. To be present, even when I am not enjoying some mundane task. Liberation comes when we face ourselves, our time, our decisions, and look above.

      Liked by 1 person

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